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We are grateful to this client from our residential program who shared their very personal reflection on coping with complex mental health conditions and finding healing and health.
I was the subject of a hopeless narrative. I struggled making decisions and maintaining them because I feared regret, and I felt more in control when I was in limbo than when I had made a decision. I lived in this state of stupor for 2.5 years. I was in my early twenties but still dependent on my parents. I went through multiple diagnoses and unsuccessful trials of medications. I had three almost back-to-back hospitalizations, finally getting diagnosed with schizoaffective bipolar disorder and OCD. I still haven’t fully processed the trauma of these things. Untangling these issues and processing them has been a long journey. By the state’s standards, I’m considered homeless now, which I never thought I’d be, but I do have a place to go to - back home with my parents, even though a part of me fears it, but it is where I will heal broken relationships, including and most importantly with myself and my Higher Power.
What matters now is that I’m healing. Some good came out of the hospital visits and residential treatment programs. Everything happens for a reason. I met people and made friends that helped me uncover more of who I am – strong, artistic, resilient, multi-faceted, and faithful. I was psychologically tested and given a formal diagnosis by a psychologist at one of the hospitals. I went to Redwood House, a crisis center, and Eucalyptus House in Daly City, a social rehab facility where I’m at now. There I came into myself more and began the healing process. My roommate at Redwood House became a mentor-like figure for me. I ended an unhealthy romantic relationship that was bound to end from the beginning. I learned I have talent in painting, and I developed this as a healthy way to practice my religion. I became calmer and less manic. I underwent TMS treatments on my brain, which helped with my depression. I started seeing a therapist who helped me find and trust my own voice. I reconnected with a different priest - one at the church I grew up at - who helped me to learn to be “less religious and more faithful.” I learned many coping skills from the classes and groups at the hospitals, Redwood House and Eucalyptus House, such as deep breathing, grounding techniques, distraction, writing, and art. I developed my hobbies, which became a coping skill to me. My family, especially my parents, was a faithful support for me through the ups and downs. And we are currently doing family therapy together. I am learning to put myself first and love myself, and have gotten stronger with my mental health and coping skills through the challenges.
I’m in a healthier place now, thanks to medicine, prayer, family support, time away from triggers, constant therapy and counseling, and hard work and dedication.
